How I Got Through My Child’s Brain Injury

Brain injury is unlike any other injury to your body. If you break a bone, you put it in a cast, and it usually heals pretty quickly. If you get cut, you put a Bandaid on it, and it heals—sometimes without a scar. But if your brain gets injured, often you come out of it a different person than before.And for severe brain injury, the person before the accident is gone forever. That’s what happened to my daughter, Annie.One day she was a bright, chatty three and a half year old. The next day, she was permanently locked into infant stage—only worse, in that she couldn’t crawl or eat like a baby can.

How did I get through it?

Well, let me first step back and answer a more important question: How did she get through it?I believe Annie didn’t sense the loss of who she used to be, because her mind became that of an infant. It was God’s grace that she was emotionally shielded from her loss. At least, that’s what I think. Her middle name—Lee—means sheltered from the storm. And I believe she was.For the rest of our family, though, Annie’s brain injury was a catastrophic loss that we grieved every day. How did we—how did I get through it? The same way you can.

Choose to look forward, not back.

For me, this meant learning to treasure who Annie was now, and not keep looking back at who she used to be.I remember reading the story of a young girl who suffered a brain injury after being hit by a car, and her experience of feeling stalked by the ghost of her former self—primarily because everyone kept reminding her of what she used to be, and used to do. Don’t do that.Accept your loved one for who they are today, not who they were before the brain injury.

Listen to optimists, not pessimists.

There are optimistic doctors, nurses, physical therapists, aunts, uncles and friends. Hang out with them. Avoid the Debbie Downers of this world.Does that mean you ignore the truth? No. But just like when you’re married, you don’t focus on all the negatives, but focus on the positives—you need to do that now.

Focusing on what’s good doesn’t mean you’re denying what’s bad.

When we were in ICU with Annie, there were p.l.e.n.t.y. of really smart doctors who wanted to make sure I understood that Annie’s brain injury was really bad. They excelled at scowling and frowning. I just smiled at them and pointed to the sign in her room that said "With God all things are possible."Then there was the nurse who came in one day, wrapped her arms around Annie’s comatose head, held her face in her hands, smiled and said, “I have a good feeling about this girl.”That one statement gave me hope that buoyed me for four years. All I needed was hope.Hope = strength to keep going.Who knows? You or your loved one will might make much more progress than the Debbie Downers of the world would lead you to believe. Annie did.

Trust that someday, God will heal.

This world has sickness. It has brain injury, Alzheimer’s, cancer, death. But God has said that in heaven He will make things right. And as a believer in Jesus, I know that someday, I’ll be able to visit with Annie in her right mind—her new and improved mind that is perfect. Maybe not today, but someday.