After Your Loss, What are You Most Afraid Of?

I'll be honest. I'm afraid of losing another kid.

So I struggle with hyper-vigilance. Most parents do this to a degree...I do it to the gazillionth power. Not really, you know. Just in my mind. It's a monster that I keep caged up, that only escapes periodically. Like when my daughter calls me from college and says she's sick. Or my son tells me his brakes went out suddenly--right after he had them replaced. I switch into a fight or flight mode, even if it's not yet an appropriate response.

What do I need to do?Where do I need to go?Is this just a normal illness...or is it something serious?How could I have prevented this from happening?(And, of course, now with all the news of people being hospitalized with the flu, is overreacting really even a possibility?!)The obvious problem here is that I am deluding myself into thinking that I am capable of protecting my children from any and all mishaps, disease, or accidents that may come their way. Isn't that what I'm thinking? Of course it's ludicrous. But we're not talking rational behavior here--just what is going on in my house.Admit it--is it just me, or when these babies are placed in our arms, don't we all take on this responsibility to love and protect them? And when the unthinkable happens, don't we ask ourselves over and over, "What could I have done differently to have averted this?" Of course we do.And it's not rational. Because there are things that happen that are outside of our control. Car accidents. Illnesses. Bad choices made by others. Bad choices made by our kids. And the scariest of all--acts of God.Here's the truth of the matter. Whatever comes into our lives is sovereignly overseen by an Almighty God. Because if God made everything, and has ultimate power, He knows what's going to happen. He can prevent bad things; He can allow seemingly bad things to happen in order to bring about purposes that only He can understand.We read in Deuteronomy 32:39, "See now that I, even I, am He, and there is no god beside me; I kill and I make alive; I wound and I heal; and there is none that can deliver out of my hand."The bottom line is that worrying about things outside of my purview is pointless. And fearing that I'll lose another child is pointless. My kid's days are numbered of the Lord. That's it.Rather than worrying about how I'll try to control the airspace around my children, I should pray that whatever the number of their days, they spend them in ways that honor God. Also, agreeing with God that I am not in charge of the universe frees me to spend my time in more worthwhile pursuits--like demonstrating to them a peace and faith in the God who rules over all and in His wisdom has established the number of of our days.Because, after all, they're His kids, not mine.So how about you? What do you fear most after facing your loss, whether it is divorce, miscarriage, loss of a spouse? What is it you need to trust God for?