Parenting Adult Children--Respecting vs. Approving Their Decisions

I was sitting in my hairdresser's chair last week, when she suggested that I discuss the difference between respecting our adult children's decisions vs. approving them. Ahh. That's a blog post.Respecting your child's decisions means recognizing and accepting that they are no longer joined to you by an umbilical cord, but are free to become their own people. It means treating them the way you want to be treated. Like an adult.Now, of course, we'd all like them to become all that God intended them to be. But often, that happens on a path you wouldn't necessarily choose for them. You might not even approve of that road. Let's consider some real-life examples:1. Higher education is a value of yours, and you had plans for them to join your sororityfraternityfootballteam and your kid doesn't want to go to college. Do you approve? No. Do you respect their decision? Yes.2. You want grandchildren and your child wants to be (a.) a life-long missionary, or (b.) wants to remain single, or (c.) gets married and opts not to have kids. Do you approve? No. Do you respect their decision? Yes.4. You've always dreamed of your kids living nearby, but they marry someone who lives in France. Do you approve? Yes, because France has great food, which you will indulge in when you visit them.5. Your child likes ink and piercings. Do you approve? I'm taking the fifth on this one.6. Your child says that C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, Charles Spurgeon, and Dietrich Bonhoeffer all smoked, so he will to. Do you approve? No. Do you respect, i.e. treat him as an adult who can make their own decisions?  Yes. This is of course, if he can afford to buy them at $8.00 a pack.Here's the deal, your kids aren't you. And you aren't responsible for their adult decisions.Our kids need to take the path God has chosen for them. Think about biblical examples. John the Baptist lived in the desert and ate insects. Joseph married a young girl who was pregnant--but not with his kid. Peter left his fishing business to follow a homeless guy.The bottom line? Pray, pray, pray for your kids. Respect their decisions. And allow God to work out His plan for their lives.